Hey hey we’re back with another exciting instalment, and today I’m going to teach you how to get some of that beautiful Latinoamerican booty. Jump on board with the love doctor because I’m taking you on a one way trip to Pussytown. And if you catch something, don’t worry, I’ve got the medicine. ¡Vamos, putas! (Let’s go, bitches)
Let’s start with the basics. Let’s say you’re on the Metro and you see a beautiful babe.
You: ¡Hola! ¡Hola bonita!
That means “hello pretty girl.” Or if it’s a handsome boy you’re after, you’d say “bonito” .
Babe: Hola.
You: Tengo que hablar contigo.
“I have to talk to you.” “Tengo que” is a similar gramatical construction as in English. “Tengo” is “I have” and “que” is “what”, or “that”. This is a crutch you can use while learning the language, combining “tengo que” with the infinitive of any verb. “Tengo que comer,” I have to eat. “Tengo que salir,” I have to go out. “Tengo que tener sexo,” I have to have sex.
Babe: ¿Por que, amigo?
“Why, my friend?”
You: Porqué tiene una sonrisa fantastica.
“Because you have a fantastic smile.”
You: ¿Como se llama?
“What is your name?” What you’re literally saying here is, “how do you call yourself?” “Como” is “how“, “se” is “you” or “yourself” (also, himself, herself or itself), and “llama” is “you call” (also, he, she or it calls).
Babe: Mi nombre es Monica.
“My name is Monica.”
You: Ah, ¡Moniquita bonita! Me llamo Filipe.
“Pretty little Monica! My name is Phillip,” or “I call myself Phillip.”
Babe: Mucho gusto en conocerlo, Filipe.
Literally this means “Much pleasure to meet you, Phillip,” though we would say “Very nice to meet you,” or “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
You: Mucho gusto en conocerla, Monica.
Notice when she said it was nice to meet you, a man, she said “conocerlo” but when you say it to Monica, you say “conocerla”.
You: ¿Está soltera?
“Are you single?”
Babe: ¿Quien? ¿Yo?
“Who? Me?”
You: Si, usted.
“Yes, you.”
You: ¿Tiene novio o no?
“Do you have a boyfriend or not?” If you were to finish a sentence with “or not?” in English, it can sound interrogative, but it doesn’t sound that way in Spanish – it’s more to emphasise the question.
Babe: No, no tengo novio.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
You: Fantastico. No tengo novio tampoco.
“Fantastic. I don’t have a boyfriend either.”
Babe: Jajaja.
This is how you write laughter in Spanish.
You: ¿Cual es su numero de teléfono?
“Which is your telephone number?” When you ask for a number or an address, use “cual” – literally “which”.
Babe: Mi numero es 555-5678.
Alright! You got her number, and it looks legit. Well done. I’ll see you next time.
¡Hasta pronto, amigos!
